America: Palin’s Red Future

Face it people, we’re doomed to be socialists.
There’s no hope anymore.
We already have the biggest socialist in power right now with Obama.
After all, he and all those other Democrats want big government, which will soon be telling us how to tie our shoes (that means no flip-flops).
As our government grows and grows in the power it has over us individually, we had one hope: the Republican Party’s leading lady, Sarah Palin.
She seemed perfect, what with her snarky individualist ideas about truth and geography, plus her desire for a smaller government.
But now, her cover is blown.
Recently, Palin spoke at an assembly of Chinese bankers in Hong Kong, China, closed to the media, which has been described as her first step in foreign relations.
Nice try Palin; we almost fell for it.
This trip was really for her to meet up with her Chinese overlords.
Other than hating the media, why else would Palin close the speech to the media?
It was her briefing on her assignment to turn the U.S. into a communist state.
She’s just following what the plan set out by the Chinese: to continue selling our assets and souls to the Chinese, just like Bush.
After all, why else would the Chinese have given her $300,000 in payment just for speaking? I don’t even get paid minimum wage for writing this, so a speech like this can’t cost too much.
She is owned by China!
Now Palin’s behaviors make sense!
Think.
What color is the Republican Party? RED!
Her goofy, fact-checking-media-hating behavior wasn’t from ineptitude, but from fear of being exposed as a communist.
It explains her obsession with blue-collar workers (sorry Joe, we can’t let you and your plumbers’ union win).
We even know why she was governor of Alaska. Where else would the Communists launch their invasion?
In Russia, Russia sees you from its front porch.
What else is there, Palin? What other communist things have you hidden from us?
Is “Maverick” an acronym for your secret society devoted to turning America red—Making Americans Very Early Reform Into Commie Kissers?
Are you hiding a spy camera in your hair bun?
People, please don’t fall for this woman’s charade.
Beneath her naive charm and Tina Fey glasses, she’s hiding a red warrior who wants to force us into communist slavery.
Don’t believe her lies!

I Vote to Commend the Vote to Reprimand

I’ve just head the greatest news all year.
The U.S. House of Representatives voted 240-179 to reprimand Rep. Joe Wilson on Sept. 15 after his verbal bashing of Obama’s speech, calling the president a liar.
Now, many of his fellow representatives and other Democrats had already called him out, but something else needed to be done.
And boy did it get done!
They actually voted!
This vote did the wonderful thing of officially reprimanding Wilson, something that could not be done without the vote.
Yeah, they could have just unofficially whacked him in the nose with a newspaper, saying “No! No! Bad Republican! You don’t do that in the House!”
Too bad they can’t do that for real.
But, there is a distinct difference between on official and an unofficial action: it’s official.
This is a brilliant move by the Democrats, taking up time, effort, and taxpayer money to tell off their fellow representative.
It definitely shows that the Democrats aren’t whiny babies.
This grand maneuvering was perfect to show that the Democrats want what’s best for the citizens of the U.S.
Now they need to vote on something the public really cares about.
They need to vote to reprimand Kanye West.
After all, more people were upset by West’s actions than Wilson’s.
Well, I guess that Jay Leno already took care of that.
Then, the House should bring Wilson’s mother in on his reprimand; who can punish a child better than a mother?
Anyway, I’m just happy our elected officials took the time out of their busy schedules—with so many important issues, problems, and decisions to be taken care of—to slap Wilson on the wrist.
I’m sure singling this troublemaker out and telling him off will solve all of their partisan problems.
After all, nothing says unity like one side ganging up on the other.
What else could bi-partisan mean?

Obama Brainwashes Students

Obama has gone too far.

It’s one thing to corrupt our middle class.

But now he’s brainwashing our children—the future of our country.

In his speech that was directed at our innocent kids, he explicitly expressed his left-wing ideals, cramming them down the throats of unwilling students (fight, little girl who txted instead of listened; you’re an inspiration to us all).

He even went after kindergartners!

Does this man not have respect for the innocence of childhood?

This man stepped on the toes of all the teachers in the room; the only people allowed to force unwanted information into student’s brain are teachers.

Yeah, that’s right.

They know their responsibility is to cram as much stuff into these students’ heads without Obama standing over their shoulders.

This speech just sickened me.

All of liberalized talk of personal responsibility, bleckth!

No student wants to take responsibility for their own actions. Who would?

This is what makes American schools what they are today: the epic struggle of teachers cramming information into irresponsible students who would rather sit in front of the TV instead of reading incredibly boring books or working math problems (cha-ching I smell a movie idea).

This man wants to destroy an American tradition all for the sake of his socialist, progressive ideas about personal responsibility.

Obama is also moving us more towards a socialist state by making everyone need a high school degree.

Well, Mr. Obama, what happens when all of our students go on to jobs as lawyers, doctors, and politicians and we have no high school drop-outs to man the important positions at McDonalds and Starbucks?

Well, I take that back

We’ll have plenty of workers from the humanities (nice try deluding these sorry saps in your speech Obama) that need to make money while their novel is being written.

And also, this man really thought his story about his mother teaching him lessons while living in Indonesia was going to identify with students.

Really, who lives in Indonesia except Indonesians, and how many of them are in our schools?

This story left out an entire demographic: the students whose parents gave them everything on a silver platter and want for nothing.

Obama can’t speak to these students; he had to work too hard to get where he is today.

Now George W. Bush, there is a man who can reach these masses.

After all, he is the one who gave us No Child Left Behind (which Obama wants to change so that students are left behind), our only way to tell if our children is learning.

Thank God for that C Average man.

Don't Diss Dick

People please—stop harassing Dick Cheney.
What has this man done besides save our country from terrorists and lawyers?
Now, the Attorney General is stepping in and allowing some jerk-off lawyer (Concidence? I don’t think so) with a chip on his shoulder to prosecute, no persecute, the savior of our country.
Just like Cheney said, there can’t possibly be any other motive than political advancement in play with this persecution.
The Obama administration is just trying to make itself look good by breaking down and humiliating an old man who tried to save our country, and why?
Just to appeal to liberals who don’t like elaborate and painful methods to protect our country.
We need to stick to our guns, water-torturing devices, and mock-executions.
These tactics scare the other prisoners into talking, and if these tactics work, heck, we should take it another step further.
Why not terrorize the prisoner’s families and other civilians?
We could threaten bombings, take some of their Al Jazira reporters hostage and/or hurl some Jet Blue planes into their business offices (after all, this has to be a better use of Jet Blue planes than letting them sit on a runway).
Just imagine how quickly the terrorists would falter and give up their causes with this kind of terror looming over them.
What did you say?
The Geneva Convention?
What’s that?
It’s a thingy from Switzerland that prohibits torture?
Who cares?
It’s just a stupid Swiss thing. They’re bankers who make clocks and chocolate in their spare time.
What are they going to do to us?
Set our clocks back 15 minutes and chocolate-coat our nuclear missiles?
Speaking of an international country…
There is also talk that this persecution is an attempt improve our American image with other countries.
Who gives a crap what they think?
Let those tea-drinking, chopstick-using, beer-guzzling, bug-eating pansies fight terrorists in their own way; we Americans are gonna stick to our scare tactics.
Shock and awe baby!
So you see, while it might be the cool thing to trash Cheney and other Bush administration people, do the right thing and stand up for these guys.
After all, you gotta love a crazy old guy who would push the red button first and make friends with the remaining ashes later.